The 7 Elements of Positive Communication

In addition to the LOVE communication skills taken from Motivational Interviewing, CRAFT prescribes positive communication skills as additional communication tools for your toolbox. You might be thinking: “wouldn’t that be nice…to just be positive!” But CRAFT breaks it down into seven elements, all within your reach. These elements will improve any kind of communication, but they are especially useful for making requests. What we have found with these seven elements is they are both straightforward and difficult to do, so practice is important.

“Positive communication” does not mean only saying nice things and avoiding conflict. Here’s what it does mean: (For examples and more explanation, see our chapter on Positive Communication in Beyond Addiction.)

Be Brief

Most people say more than necessary when they haven’t planned it in advance, especially when nervous or angry. Try to hone in on your central request ahead of time, and stick to it. Script, edit, and rehearse what you want to say as concisely as possible. Extraneous words can drown out your core message (as in the “waa waa waa” of Charlie Brown’s teacher).

Be Specific

Vague requests are easy to ignore or misunderstand, and are often difficult to translate into concrete behavior. In contrast, referring to specific behaviors instead of thoughts or feelings makes change observable, measurable, and reinforceable. For instance, instead of telling your child to “be more responsible,” specify a behavior you want to see more of: “On school days, I want you to get up when your alarm goes off.”

Be Positive

Where “positive” entails describing what you want, instead of what you don’t want. This shifts the framing from critical and complaining to supportive and doable, and ties into positive reinforcement strategies, since it’s easier to reward someone for doing something—a concrete, verifiable thing—than for not doing something. Being positive in this way decreases defensiveness and rebellion and promotes motivation. Framed positively, “Stop coming home late” becomes “Come home by curfew time.”

Label Your Feelings

Kept brief and in proportion, a description of your emotional reaction to the problem at hand can help elicit empathy and consideration from your child. For best results, state your feelings in a calm, nonaccusatory manner. If your feelings are very intense, it can be a good strategy to tone them down. So if you were feeling “furious and terrified” you might say “frustrated and worried.”

Offer an Understanding Statement

The more the other person believes that you “get” why he is acting the way he is, the less defensive he will be and the more likely to hear you and oblige. Plus, trying to understand your child’s perspective builds your empathy, which will help the relationship.

Take Partial Responsibility

Sharing in a problem, even a tiny piece of the problem, decreases defensiveness and promotes collaboration. It shows your child that you’re interested in solving, not blaming. Accepting partial responsibility does not mean taking the blame or admitting fault; it communicates “We’re in this together.”

Offer to Help

Especially when phrased as a question, an offer to help can communicate non-blaming, problem-solving support. Try asking, “Would it help if…?” Or simply, “How can I help?” A little goes a long way to improve communication and generate ideas. (“Yeah, if you texted me a reminder, that would help.”)

There are classic communication traps you can recognize a mile away… if you know what to look for. Here are some of the most common.

The Information Trap: If only he knew the facts he would see things differently and change. Information can be helpful, especially when it fills a gap. It is less helpful to tell your child something he already knows. When you do have fresh information, offering it in a “sandwich” as you learned in Section 3 will maximize the chances that it gets across. But there are no magic words for change, so try to be patient. Improving the quality of your communication over time will help, as well as being a valuable change in and of itself.

The Lecture Trap: This is a deeper information trap. One sign that you have entered this trap is when you find yourself talking “at” your child about what you think he should do, what his problems are, what went wrong last week, and so on, rather than talking “with” him.

The Labeling Trap: Labels are not necessary for change, and at times get in the way. This trap results in a conversation being about labels and not behavior (“You’re an addict.” —“No, I’m not”).

The Blaming Trap: When you’re worried, frustrated, or sad about a situation, it is easy to get stuck in the blaming trap—who is at fault or who is to blame? This trap shuts down a conversation and backs your child’s motivation into a corner.The Taking-Sides Trap: If you take only one side of a discussion, it’s practically a set up for your child to take the other, and she may end up defending behaviors she actually feels ambivalent about. Instead of one side against the other you can be on the same side, the side of constructive conversation, considering different options together.

The Question-and-Answer Trap: Closed questions set off this trap and result in an interview, or worse, an interrogation (“Did you get high last night? Did you forget your phone? Did you do your homework?”). Open questions are more likely to steer your conversation to a productive exchange.

Helping with Actions

This section will cover a variety of critical tools for encouraging change in your child’s behavior and motivation. It follows “Helping with Self Care” and “Helping with Words” because the skills in those sections are the foundations of sustaining change and keeping things on track day-to-day. The tools in this section will help you understand motivation and how it is different for different people, how to reinforce new and positive behaviors as well as how to deal with negative behaviors, how to understand and allow for ambivalence in your child (and the sometimes jagged upward course of change), and very importantly, paying attention to collaboration with your co-parent.

How To Solve A Problem

We start this section with the topic of problem solving because that’s what you are facing! Your child’s substance use, as well as the ensuing problems with communication, behavior, friend choices, school performance, and emotional development (you name it!). We will discuss all of these issues, but as we start this process we want you to have a general strategy for approaching ANY problem.

CRAFT (among other behavioral approaches) sets out seven steps for solving problems.* This approach will take you beyond painful avoidance strategies and unreliable quick fixes to help you work through problems thoroughly and systematically. As you practice with these steps, try to apply (and give yourself credit for) what you already do well, and take the time you need to learn what would be useful that you don’t already know.

Define the problem as narrowly as you can.

Often what people take as “the problem” is actually many

smaller problems lumped together. No wonder they feel overwhelmed. When you describe a problem, be on the lookout for multiple problems embedded within your description, and tease them apart. The idea is to tackle one relatively discrete problem at a time. Solutions are more manageable with a series of smaller problems and you’ll feel more accomplished and optimistic as you get through each one.

Brainstorm possible solutions.

In this step, your task is to write down as many solutions as you

can think of, to foster a sense of possibility and give yourself some choice. Brainstorming is an open, free-for-all process of allowing every idea in the door as they come, to be sorted and refined later. Your inner critic will tend to dismiss ideas out of habit or fear; but some of these could be viable options if you gave them a chance. List without judging. Try not to rule out anything before you’ve written down every conceivable solution to your problem.

Eliminate unwanted suggestions.

Now that you have an exhaustive list of potential solutions, you can examine them more closely and cross out any that are unappealing. Eliminate options that you can’t actually imagine ever doing, have too many downsides, or seem unrealistic. If you end up crossing off every idea, then return to step 2 and brainstorm again.

Select one potential solution or goal.

Pick one solution that seems doable to you, that you can

see yourself trying this week. Hint: a doable goal is put in brief, simple, and positive terms (what you will do, not what you won’t do or haven’t been doing), is specific and measurable, reasonable and achievable, in your control, and involves skills you already have or are learning. (For a detailed discussion of goal setting, see Chapter 8 of our book, Beyond Addiction.)

Identify possible obstacles.

Next, identify potential obstacles that could get in the way of completing your task. By anticipating problems you can plan strategies for dealing with them. This can include specific, predictable obstacles as well as a more general awareness that unforeseen challenges may arise, which can lend you some emotional resilience in dealing with them.

Address each obstacle.

Design specific strategies to cope with each obstacle. Not just, “I’m sure I can deal with it,” but exactly how you will get past it and move forward.

See how things go.

After you’ve carried out your plan, evaluate the process… How did it go? Look at what went well and what was more challenging in the implementation. Did your strategies for dealing with obstacles work well? Did obstacles come up that you hadn’t predicted? Is there anything you would do differently next time? This is how you figure out what works and what doesn’t work for you.

Parent Collaboration

When a child struggles with substance or other behavior problems, communication often breaks down between the adults who love that child.* Most people struggle to not get defensive or lose their cool in situations they don’t understand or know how to control, and it’s not uncommon for parents to feel at wits’ end with each other when their child is doing risky, upsetting things. Disagreements are understandable. After all, misalignment can easily happen in the best of circumstances over lower-stakes issues like bedtime and vegetables; the more serious the issue, the more polarizing it can be. But helping depends in no small part on finding a way to collaborate with your co-parent (and anyone else involved in raising your child).

As you try to help your child change their relationship with substances, it will be important for every adult involved to give clear directions and consistent consequences (positive and negative). Change, even change for the better, is difficult and your child will feel ambivalent about it. It will be hard for her to make different friends, or not be high at parties, or leave earlier than other kids. The more ambivalent she is, the more important it is for you to make your expectations clear. Different expectations (explicit or implied) between you and your partner amount to mixed messages for your child.

Additionally, the more agreement you can reach with your partner, the less stressed you will each feel and the happier you will both be. And with less conflict and stress in general you can, in turn, be more positive with your child.

Alignment and collaboration with your partner doesn’t mean across-the-board, united-front agreement on “the party line,” especially with older children. Children over sixteen live in the adult world enough to know that uniform agreement is not realistic. Alignment can mean understanding what you agree on, what you don’t agree on, and what the “policy” is in any case (“Your father and I have a somewhat different feeling about this, but we’ve decided it’s important for you to be home by midnight”). You can acknowledge differences and still align your expectations.

Where are we going? What if it's true?

Marlene

 

Are we here as part of our journey through the cosmos? Will we connect with others to learn from them or to teach them, or maybe both? Many of our encounters will be brief; some may last a lifetime. What will you do today, in this present moment, to further your understanding of the human experience?

 

I wish you love, joy, and kindness throughout your journey.

Be well my friend; you and I have so much more to do.

Forgiveness

Forgiveness is one of those words that is easy to say and hard to do. So why should you forgive? You do it for yourself, to release the pain and memory that cannot be changed. It’s almost like lifting a 50 lb weight off your shoulders. Be quick to forgive others, as you would want them to quickly forgive you too. Kindness in action is an amazing event to witness and/or experience. Your heart feels happy, your faith in humanity is restored, you feel better and more compassionate than you did before. What other gift can you repay by passing it on to someone else? Kindness. The lack of coverage by the media about kindness in the world is heart-breaking to me. I believe that every day, stories of kindness and compassion should headline the news. Today’s story really moved my heart, and I hope it moves yours too. How Kindness Can Change Everything takes place in a hospital; a young girl will experience kindness she never even imagined. Show some kindness today – you never know what will happen. yeremiah@aol.com Yeremiah Hardt

Rent In The Cloud

White. The color white surrounds me like a blinding veil... white walls, white sheets, white door, white windows, white curtains... even the pipe connecting my bloodstream to the IV fluids is a strange dirty white-brown in color.

Sometimes I wonder when this white prison will open its doors and let me escape. Sometimes, I wake up, wondering whether I have already died and am now in the other world.

White... the color that once would have brought peace to me. White... the color of truth, of sacrifice. What truth holds any meaning to me any more? What sacrifice must I make in this life to ease the pains of my next one?

They move and speak-these strange, strange people... I am the silent watcher of their strangely listless, strangely rote-like motions. Though their attention is fixed on me, they seem not to notice me at all.

This was not the first time that the cold sting of a needle entered my flesh without my knowledge, without them telling me, piercing my body into pincer-like spasms of uncontrollable terror, making me shriek wildly, sobbing hysterically as the antibiotics entered my bloodstream-more of out of fear than of pain... and yet, perhaps, I should not speak so harshly. Perhaps... perhaps without these people, I might not have lived to speak my heart once more.

Even now, dreams of the rain crashing down from a disturbed, steel-grey heaven, pounding on my back like maces and seeming strangely vile-not like the first cool, purifying drops of rain that would send us into transports of delight after the scorching drought of summer-seeming as if it would dirty my body, not cleanse it.

This was not the life-giving rain that would draw forth the first tender green saplings from the dying earth and bring out the birds and animals and those of my kind from their dark shelters to populate the land once more.

These were not God's tears, raining down from his abode to purify the world of its sins-this was what had caused the deluge that would irreparably destroy the lives of more than a hundred thousand innocents who had all done little to deserve such an untimely death.

All around me, chaos reigns. I live that fateful evening once more, when I foolishly escaped the safety of my school and ventured out into the rain to return home... only then to wade through four hours of grey, foul-smelling water, the refuse from the gutters openly pouring out onto the streets... and the rain... the endless, torrential rain.

It was late evening when I finally staggered through my front door, only to collapse into a dead faint, my exhausted limbs not being able to handle the pain anymore, my wet clothes weighing me down, and a strange weakness beginning to spread through my body like a slow poison, lying latent... and which, upon striking out, led to my imprisonment in this white world I now lie alone and helpless in... a prisoner of my mind.

Leptospyrosis - the only word which my drugged brain is able to register. The rest of my thoughts are faint nothings, merely tapping against my consciousness like dying tendrils of sunlight straining to shine against a darkening evening sky-meaningless, insignificant.

How long I have been lying in this daze of unreality, I know not. My senses diminish to an infant's weakness... sights reduced to mere blurs of navy-blue-the uniform the nurses donned... smell-oh, the only smell that reaches me now strikes a shard of fear within me... the cold, metallic smell of the needle they will once again insert within the tender, throbbing veins of my upper palms... sounds reduced to mere howls and shrieks of meaningless uncertainty in the distance.

No more, no more!

This world of white strangely seems unreal no longer... one glance into those eyes and I am frozen, wondering who this new torturer was, wondering what fresh hell they had in store for me now.

What if my disease was incurable?

What if I would be crippled for life and would never be the one I had always dreamed to be?

What if... what if, what if - oh, he nears me now.

My heart bangs wildly in my chest, making me want to scream with the sudden onrush of tears and terror combining into a single knot inside me, wondering how they would hurt me now... wondering how they would hurt me forever, for the rest of my life.



He raises a hand. I feel the spasm of a flinch cross my face as he moves it towards me, but... but-what is he doing?

He is not going to hurt me. Those hands are stroking my hair, those warm brown eyes filled with all the sorrow of the world-never leaving my own.

"Brave girl... " he whispers - and his voice is a stream running over the black river-stones of the northern waters, the breath of the mountain winds against the fortresses of impenetrable white that surround them.

"Brave, brave girl... you were strong all through it, did you know that? You have been here for an entire week and are already recovering... "

I felt myself trembling, not even daring to let the tiny seed of hope he had planted burst into fruition.

"Then when can I go home?" I spoke slowly, enunciating all my words like a toddler struggling to speak a difficult sentence. My tongue suddenly felt too thick for my mouth. Strangely enough, I, who had always been known for my outspokenness, was silenced before this man.

For those brown eyes had warmed. "Soon, child. Very soon."

The stories would reach me only later. I had been too heavily sedated to notice anything that had been occurring around me - for I had not felt my mother's arms, nor my father's hands gripping mine, had not felt the urgent praying of my siblings, had not felt the shower of the rains pouring against the windows-threatening to reach me again.

We would not have even been able to pay for the hospital room had it not been for that man who had spoken to me with such comforting words.

"He is a Muslim man," my sister whispered to me one night. "How strange, to think that one who is not even of our religion would take so much trouble for someone he does not even know... "

I was silent, not knowing when I would meet my savior again.

I was probably one of the thousands of patients in this hospital, suffering from the many diseases that had defiled the land when the rains fell-and yet, this man, this man whom I did not even know, who had no connection to my family whatsoever, this man who lived a wealthy life, in a wealthy home - had paid all the expenses for the room, the treatment, the medicines, for a girl of a middle-class Hindu family.

I met him only once again. Until today, I will never forget that face, those eyes... that voice.

"You wonder why I have done this for you," he spoke softly, one hand unconsciously smoothening out the sheet, deftly avoiding the IV connection. I wondered, from the fine clothes he wore, what kind of a life he led. "I, who know nothing of you or your family... you wonder why, do you not?"

Again, I could not speak, feeling a strangely reverent peace filling my every vein in his presence. To speak something irrelevant before him would seem almost like a profanity. Almost like questioning God's intentions.

The man looked at me-though his eyes were calm, I could see grief lingering in every nuance of his unmarked face, in the depth of his eyes, in the slight break of his voice, in the way his hands clasped against each other. When he spoke, I felt a lump grow in my throat.

"I had a daughter once myself," he said quietly. "She was the same age as you when she died - a disease similar to yours."

For a moment, he paused - and then spoke once more in a harder voice, as if he felt that any softening would reveal all emotions.

"I wasn't strong enough to save her then... but she was returned to this world through you."

For the first time, he smiled a small, sad smile that to me was the most heartbreaking sight in the world. My eyes were obscured by the hot, wet tears until vision blurred. Watching him was like watching him through a waterfall.

"When I saw you, I saw my Zubeida again... and I can only hope Allah has been merciful on her soul."

I nodded dumbly, not knowing what to say. Despite his kindness, there was still a rift between us. He sensed it as well-somehow, he seemed to have been expecting it.

"Dear child... " the man whispered, stroking my hair again, his mask of calmness suddenly beginning to crack.

Suddenly, he was no more the wealthy Muslim man who had stood as our beneficiary. Suddenly, he seemed to be no more than one who had once loved... one who had once held dear.

"We are divided by hatred... not by the one who has created us. I was merely one to see past that hatred."

And then he was gone.

I sat there silently, feeling ready to laugh and cry at the same time, before my tearful family walked into the room-smothering me with hugs and kisses, the word "home" entering into every conversation.

Memory fails me now... all I remember before my mind slept once more was a pair of brown eyes, shining with tears, filled with all the love and sorrow of the world.

How ironic, that in times of adversity, all boundaries that demarcate the Hindu from the Muslim, the rich from the poor, the sinner from the saint, the atheist and the fanatic, all seem to melt away to nothingness.

A chance meeting with a tortured, yet healing soul had changed my way of thinking for the rest of my life. A simple act of kindness had shaken the very foundations of what I had based my thinking on for the past fourteen years of my life.

For I had always seen myself as a middle-class Hindu girl...

He saw me only as a girl.

Pallavi Chatterjee --- Submitted by Sandeep Chatterjee

Make a Change

Marlene Have you ever been afraid to make a change that you wanted and ended up regretting that you didn't go for it? Why is that? Growth can feel uncomfortable, complicated, fearful, exciting, new, and maybe risky. The familiar feels regular, safe, known, and sometimes less complicated. As humans, many of us fear the unknown, so we stop. We stop even when we know that going forward in a new direction will help us. May I ask, how do you overcome that type of fear? Just hit reply to let me know. yeremiah@aol.com Yeremiah Hardt

Noticing

Marlene Have you noticed how the small things in life affect your everyday living? Did you get a cheery "good morning" at the breakfast table this morning or just a grumble? Did you give a warm smile and happy greeting in return? Do you look people in the eye and give them your undivided attention when they speak? Do you really listen for a reply when you ask someone a question? Do you really care or do you insulate yourself from the negative views you hear each day? I hope your response was positive to all the questions above, for none of us wants to be that negative person in life. How do we remain positive, when so many negative things happen around us each day? Make enthusiasm a daily habit. Wake up happy. Be thankful for the day ahead. Think positively early in the day. It can carry you through the hardest days. Don't let negative people predetermine your worth. Don't be a grudge collector. We can all recite incidents in life when we felt slighted by someone, turned off by one's negative actions, or even insulted by someone. It's easy to rekindle a negative attitudeif we continue to remember those occasions or react to them. Forget them. They're not worth reliving. Don't brag. Get high in doing good for your own self-worth, not for recognition. If you seek to set yourself above others by your deeds, you could quickly find that you are inadequate instead of proud. Have a positive support group. Make friends of those who have this same attitude about life. You'll find the mutual support of each other the reward you need to keep the proper positive attitude. Give God the glory for what you have. Make everyday the best day possible. Once the day is gone, it is gone forever. Live in the today. Keep hope for tomorrow. Live on His promises and keep the faith. But, live this and every morning with a Godly heart and your days will be filled with His blessings. Copyright © 2012 Bob Stoess Bob Stoess is a Retired CEO, prolific writer and wonderful mentor. yeremiah@aol.com Yeremiah Hardt

Blessed

Marlene Each of us is blessed in so many ways, yet sometimes, we aren't very grateful. If we can stop looking for things to complain about, and remember to be grateful for everything, life becomes easier and filled with more riches of the soul.yeremiah@aol.com Yeremiah Hardt

Another Message Of Hope

Is it morning already? I rub my eyes and get up to prepare for the day. I look out of my window and see the sun. I hear the birds; I see the first flowers of spring beginning to show, the greening grass, and a few clouds in a brilliant, blue sky. It's another day.

Our grandson pops into the house, giving his Granny a hug. He majestically explains how he scored his first goal of the soccer season. Our son proudly affirms his every move to get the ball past the goalie. Later, we learn of his appointment to the "quick recall" team. We hear of his dancing with every girl at his first school dance. Our little grandson is growing up. It's another day.

My neighbor's son tells of his accomplishments in college. He shares his hopes and dreams for the future. His curiosity and excitement are contagious. I am encouraged that he has learned that no dream is beyond reach, if he wants it badly enough. It's another day.

My wife wraps me in her love. I look into the eyes of the one that shares my innermost feelings. What a special friend! It's beyond words to describe the feelings of returned love; one to lean on, one to share happiness with, one to truly love. It's another day.

Yes, it is another day. This has been another day to enjoy God's bounteous blessings. It's been a day to enjoy our children and grandchildren. It's been a day to enjoy the hopes and dreams of others. It's been a day to discover the value of worth and hard work. It's been a day to learn the value of love. It's been a day that we need to thank God for all that we have.

May you experience many, many such days in this journey we call life. Godspeed.

Copyright © 2013 Bob Stoess

Will You Keep Going and not Give up?

Marlene

Today I recommit to all I hold dear

To let the world know, through these pages of words

That there are great people, from near and far

Who know it's better to be motivated and positive and swing from stars

Than to be negative, hopeless and trapped behind self-imposed bars

I know there is negativity spewing throughout the land

And sometimes it's hard to be positive

To tell your mind to believe, as you originally planned

But I have seen goodness and kindness, the impossible attained

It has to do with self-belief, commitment and action

Never giving up and trying again and again

I feel this positive vibration everyday

So many out there, trying to be

A role model for others to see

A smile, a gentle touch, a hand to hold

A written thought that shows a heart of gold.

Overcoming obstacles, small and bold

Never giving up on the dream that their heart unfolds

We are scattered across this planet, yet connected as one

People who care and have work to be done

Work that says "You matter, you can do this, be strong

Remember when you couldn't then? See how you won?"

So when you feel lost and down in your day

Remember to look into your heart and ask,

"Who do I want to be today?

Someone with hope, faith and commitment?

Is this possible for me?"

I suspect your heart will smile and answer

"Yes, that's what you were born to be."

Copyright © 2005 Marlene Blaszczyk

I believe that everything is possible. Don't let fear stand in your way. You can do whatever your heart desires if you believe in yourself, make daily commitments, have a plan, and take action. You may stumble or fall face down, but so what? Get up and try again. Get up and laugh and say, "Okay, that didn't work, what do I try next?", then keep going. There will be tough moments, not bad days and if you choose, you'll get through them.

Look at little children who are learning to walk. They fall time and time again and still get up and try again until they have masteredthis task. It's not failure to them each time they fall, it's a learning experience. They laugh at themselves and have champions around them encouraging them to try again. As adults, we need to become our own champion. We can encourage ourselves, when no one else is. This is your life, your choice. Be positive or negative, be the victor or victim, all you need to succeed is already in you. You just have to choose which way you want to live, then do it!

Coaches

Marlene

We’ve all had coaches in our lives. Some of them have been mentors too. Each one brings special insights, wisdom, and talents to your own unique situation.

Please don’t be afraid to ask for help when you need it. You can improve your skills immensely if you make the right pick, at the right time, for the right reason.

Go for the gold today! You’re making progress daily and the goal is in sight.

Take a break

Marlene

Can you take a break today and allow yourself to dream a bit? Will you focus on something that makes you smile? Sometimes you need to relax in order to look forward.

Once you can wrap your mind around what your perfect life could look like, you can start to make plans. What can you do today, what one step can you take to propel that picture forward?

"All God's angels come to us disguised."

James Russell Lowell

It has been said that angels are everywhere. They are described as beings that come to assist us, teach us and protect us in times of danger. They may be male or female, young or old. Perhaps you have encountered an angel in your life?

To some people who didn't know Harry, he was just a senior citizen. To me he was a Mentor, a good listener but most of all, my friend.

Harry always had time for me when I would call him up on the phone with some plumbing problem. He would always say, "How are you kid?"

I would always be a kid to Harry, who was old enough to be my father, but I saw him more like a grandfather who I never knew.

Harry was kind, patient and a good listener. We talked often of the good old days when he was a boy and how he had seen things change. He often spoke of his Grandmother and her newspaper stand plus the times he used to swim in the East River, the places where he had worked and so on.

He passed on a lot of his plumbing knowledge to me in our frequent talks and would inspire me to be confident in the things I had learned from him and on the job. I still remember when a customer came into the store looking for help. I started to shy away feeling unsure of myself.

Harry said, "Go ahead kid, you can do it, you have to leave the nest sometime and now is the time".

He was right.

Harry was a humble man. I used to complain when I had been asked to sweep the floor in the store one day and Harry told me, "Kid, it's part of the job and plus you're being paid".

He would grab the broom without a problem and start humming. I was always amazed by how this gentle man could turn an unpleasant task into a learning opportunity for me.

Harry also helped me to work on one of my character defects, which was false pride. Harry had plenty of pride; no task was beneath him.

I always wanted to be like him. He never seemed to let little things annoy him. He said, "Life was too short for that".

I will miss his concern and gentle caring ways and I will always cherish the moments we had together. I am grateful for the good parts of Harry that rubbed off on me and at times I try to pass these gifts on to others.

God must of known that I needed an Angel to guide me and he chose Harry.

Copyright © 2006 Miguel Abreu

Pass The Biscuits

When I was a kid, my mom liked to make breakfast food for dinner every now and then. I remember one night in particular when she had made breakfast after a long, hard day at work.

On that evening so long ago, my mom placed a plate of eggs, sausage, and extremely burned biscuits in front of my dad. I remember waiting to see if anyone noticed! Yet all my dad did was reach for his biscuit, smile at my mom and ask me how my day was at school.

I don't remember what I told him that night, but I do remember hearing my mom apologize to my dad for burning the biscuits. And I'll never forget what he said: "Honey, I love burned biscuits."

Later that night, I went to kiss Daddy good night and I asked him if he really liked his biscuits burned. He wrapped me in his arms and said, "Your momma put in a long hard day at work today and she's real tired.

And besides... a burnt biscuit never hurt anyone!"

You know, life is full of imperfect things... and imperfect people. What I've learned over the years is that learning to accept each others faults and choosing to celebrate each others differences, is one of the most important keys to creating a healthy, growing, and lasting relationship.

So...please pass me a biscuit. And yes, the burned one will do just fine!

Author Unknown --- Submitted by Judy B. --- North Carolina

Future

Marlene

The future is tomorrow and the day after. It's important for you to look forward and not backward because the past cannot be changed. The most important day for anyone is today, this moment. Focus on what you can do right now to make your life happy and healthier. Dream about tomorrow but live in today. This is where the magic happens.

Words

Marlene

The words we tell ourselves have power. You are what you say you are, so why not say something positive and powerful about yourself?

Here's my challenge: Repeat these 5 phrases every day for 30 days, then tell me how you feel, tell me if you changed for the better. In the end, it's all up to you. We're here to try and help you.

Pains of Life

Marlene

You may never know what others are going through because we all manage our pain in different ways.

Remember to treat others the way you want to be treated. Not everyone is going to want to share their struggle, their story of survival, and they don't have to. It's their stuff, not yours. If you don't want to be judged then don't judge others. Just love them and look for ways to be helpful.

Is Your To Do List Out of Control?

Here's the simple way to plan your day, enabling you to plan and track your day's priorities; to do's; emails, calls and messages; errands; appointments; tasks to do another day and notes.

When you use this planning system you can be assured that you're getting everything done and nothing is falling through the cracks, as you also focus on your key priorities for the day.

Check out how to keep your day organized.

Inspiration

Marlene

What happens when you tune out the negative and think about everything that inspires you?

You relax, you feel more in control, gratitude seems to surface and you’re ready to face whatever comes your way. Life is about choices – how you think, feel, speak and act. Make sure all are in line with each other.

Butterfly

What do butterflies have in common with the human spirit? Meet Maggie, a middle aged wife and mother who was about to find out.

Maggie wasn't rich like a millionaire or poor in a manner of being homeless. She was living an average comfortable life.It was made even better when abeautiful baby girl came her way. She and her husband made sure their daughter had her needs met and they were still able to take a yearly vacation by the beach.

Maggie was a partner in her husband's business. They both had a different set of duties which kept everything in balance.

One day a devastating blow came to her husband's business and over a three year period, the business dropped out of site.

Her husband had to totally reinvent himself and was yearning to fulfill a dream with a new vocation. She was happy for him and supported him fully, but still the money was not coming in.

Maggie began to feel guilty that she wasn't contributing with any kind of income. It had been a long time since she had worked outside the home andhad to work for someone else. Needless to say she was scared but still had faith that everything would be okay.

She began job hunting and found filling out applications somewhat difficult, especially the part asking for job references. (Keep in mind that she was self-employed with her husband for almost 20 years.) It felt as though that didn't count for anything as she was never called for an interview.At the time she was job hunting her mom became more ill than she had been and ended up in the hospital for a week.

Once Maggie's mom returned home, she became her mom's helper one day a week. She did the shopping, changed sheets, vacuumed and did other things that her mother was not able to do anymore. Of course her mom would pay her for her time and labor but she still felt she needed to find another source of income.

One of the first applications she had filled out finally came through. She passed the interview with flying colors and was told she was "exactly" whatthey were looking for. Although it was only part-time it was exactly what she wanted. It was important for her to be home when her daughter arrivedhome from school. She was told they would be in touch when the schedule was ready. Knowing she had the job made her feel contented and productive again.

Within a few weeks though, she received an e-mail saying that the company had changed the job into a full time position and she was not qualified.

Maggie was devastated. She felt betrayed and felt she had been lied to.

That evening she was alone as her husband and daughter had gone out for the night. She welcomed the aloneness and wanted to drown her sorrows in a hot tub of bubbles. As she knew she would, she began to cry, softly at first just from the sheer pain of being rejected. Three long years of struggle had finally caught up with her.

Then she became angry; angry at everything from the circumstances that got her there, to God himself. She cried harder and yelled, "What doyou want me to do?" She really felt that God had abandoned her.

When she was able to cry no more, she became exhausted and gave up. It was at that moment that a silent idea came to her to offer other elderly peoplehome care assistance.

Using another talent for computers she printed off some flyers and cards and distributed them to her church, grocery stores and even placed a small ad in the newspaper. Within a week she had procured two new clients. Now, even though she's not a CEO of a major company or a power player, she feels happy and productive again.

So, had God really abandoned her? Let's look at nature for the lessons and the answer.

Before a butterfly can emerge out of it's chrysalis it has to go through a lot of struggling. Yes, struggling.

Each time it lunges out to escape, acids are being removed from its wings. If someone were to come along and break the chrysalis open for it, then the butterfly would die from those acids.

In essence the struggle is necessary for the butterfly to survive. Then in the stillness, when the struggle is over, the butterfly can come out and share its beauty with the world.

We as humans are not any different. There are times that we need to struggle, to rid ourselves of the acids that make up sadness, fear, and anger. It is only at this time when we are exhausted and still that we begin to hear the Universe whisper to us.

Copyright © 2006 Tony Masiello

Conversations

Marlene How each conversation goes, is up to you. Which words will you choose? Remember that what you say, cannot be unsaid. May I suggest that you take a breath before you speak – choose your words wisely. Has this ever happened to you? You think about a pretty big dream but you just can't seem to make it happen. It's happened to me. Why? Because I had to give up a few things in order to focus on one point - laser focus my energies on my dream and be willing to do whatever it was going to take to make it happen. The good news is that most people go through the same process. If you're at this crossroad, remember others have had this choice before them too and so many were able to fulfill their dreams so you can do it too. Look at what might be standing in your way (clue: it's usually yourself) and decide you are worth it and go for it! Decide what it is you want, create a plan, execute it and then revisit the results. Modify where necessary and keep moving forward. You're dream's been waiting for you - go meet it and have some fun! Here's to you today; I know you can do it! yeremiah@aol.com Yeremiah Hardt

Nobody's a Natural

Marlene Have you ever thought or said out loud, "Oh he's a natural, I wish I could do that." Or "She makes it look so easy; wish I was that lucky" Well, I don't believe it's that easy. Sure some people look like they're a natural but what's really behind the scenes that makes them good? Ask anyone who you think didn't have to work for what they wanted, including Tom Brady who just won his 5th Super Bowl, how they got to be that good. You shouldn't be surprised when they say they couldn't have done it without a lot of practice, self-motivation, and good coaches and/or mentors. Here's to you, today. Buckle up, it's going to be a tremendous ride! yeremiah@aol.com Yeremiah Hardt

An Angels Attitude

Brian G. Jett

Every morning it is the same routine. She wakes up, gives a big yawn, and heads downstairs in the same old uniform. Not a glamorous job at all. Others might think that being a ballerina instructor to be the perfect job or career. Dance, stretch and teach others to dance and stretch their imaginations.

Remarkable lady, this gal is, however, she does the same old thing but to her it always appears to be somehow new - each and every single day.

Don't get me wrong as she has her moments like I suppose we all do. She gets frustrated over the little stuff. Seems the biggest difference between this young woman and others that I have observed is the way she takes life in stride. In a nutshell, she just doesn't let anything or anyone break her stride.

Like a beautiful mare dancing in the wide open spaces in a dazzling display right after an equaling dazzling dawn, nothing that might present itself as an obstacle can break her stride. At least this is how it appears right now in her dancing career.

Can I ask you a question? Don't mean to be nosey or anything, but what uniform do you put on everyday? Whether a ballerina outfit or waitress uniform, I suppose any position can lose its once highly esteemed luster after a bit.

This little ballerina, unlike so many others with differing uniforms, can't stand having to go to bed but can't wait to get out of it in the morning. She works from home, so she is afforded the opportunity each Tuesday morning to gaze out of her front storm door at the men who pick up her hurby-curby.

Kind of a drab, off green colored uniform these guys wear, but she enjoys this special time at the door as a highlight of her daily existence. She likes to make their jobs less repetitive as she musters up a big smile and gives them all a huge grin - all the while waving like it might be her last chance to do so.

Don't get me wrong because as we all know way too well, no one is perfect and she'll be the first to admit it. She says, "I'm sorry" with more sincerity than most I've met six times her age.

Sometimes I can't help but think that as soon as this or that change occurs in my life, all will be just a tad bit better. I think that she has learned a powerful lesson and it has to do with perception. The way she has chosen to perceive things, is the way she receives things.

She just hasn't allowed herself to see too many rainy days and Mondays, and the ones she has, clearly haven't ever ruined her morning, afternoon, or evening routine. Those 25 years her elder might be creating some chaos around her, but again, it doesn't seem to break her stride. She just keeps on dancing nonetheless.

In talking to her recently, she spoke of her plans for the future but even as she did she kept some semblance of her dancing going. If reminded of a mistake she made yesterday, she'll just give me a demure little smile as though I'm purposefully trying to be a kill-joy.

Hmmmmmm. I hadn't given that much thought until now, but why do I or any of us rehash another's past?

Good question and this wise little gal seems to know most of the answers. I guess longevity doesn't always equate to legitimacy.

I hope that she'll keep her job as a ballerina for many years to come so that I can keep learning simple life lessons from her. But I doubt that she will, if I look at the big picture or project way into the future like I too often tend to do.

Nothing I could say or anything any of her other best friends could say could break her stride. She is destined for great things. Even if she some day changes from her ballerina outfit to a waitresses uniform, I kind of think she'll keep her bright attitude, fresh perspective, and unsophisticated purity.

Well, that's all I have to write about for now. I'd best get home before my wife helps her take off her ballerina uniform and get ready for bed. If I'm so blessed, I'll get to watch her dance and sing for me right before she says, "I love you daddy" as I walk out the door for work in the morning.

I wish I could take such moments and put them in a jar. I wish I could stop the world from turning and keep things just the way they are. I know that I can't, but I can always wish I could.

Life is...

Life is a vast yielding of open- ended questions? The more you get answered a ton more come to light. #piccadillyinc yeremiah@aol.com Yeremiah Hardt

The Art Of Being Well

If you don't want to be ill...

...Speak Your Feelings.

Emotions and feelings that are hidden, repressed, end in illnesses as: gastritis, ulcer, lumbar pains, spinal. With time, the repression of the feelings degenerates to the cancer. Then, we go to a confidante, to share our intimacy, ours "secret", our errors! The dialogue, the speech, the word, is a powerful remedy and an excellent therapy!

If you don't want to be ill...

...Make Decisions.

The undecided person remains in doubt, in anxiety, in anguish. Indecision accumulates problems, worries and aggressions. Human history is made of decisions. To decide is precisely to know to renounce, to know to lose advantages and values to win others. The undecided people are victims of gastric ailments, nervous pains and problems of the skin.

If you don't want to be ill...

...Find Solutions.

Negative people do not find solutions and they enlarge problems. They prefer lamentation, gossip, pessimism. It is better to light a match that to regret the darkness. A bee is small, but produces one of the sweetest things that exist. We are what we think. The negative thought generates negative energy that is transformed into illness.

If you don't want to be ill...

...Don't Live By Appearances.

Who hides reality, pretends , poses and always wants to give the impression of being well. He wants to be seen as perfect, easy-going, etc. but is accumulating tons of weight. A bronze statue with feet of clay. There is nothing worse for the health than to live on appearances and facades. These are people with a lot of varnish and little root. Their destiny is the pharmacy, the hospital and pain.

If you don't want to be ill...

...Accept.

The refusal of acceptance and the absence of self-esteem, make us alienate ourselves. Being at one with ourselves is the core of a healthy life. They who do not accept this, become envious, jealous, imitators, ultra-competitive, destructive. Be accepted, accept that you are accepted, accept the criticisms. It is wisdom, good sense and therapy.

If you don't want to be ill...

...Trust.

Who does not trust, does not communicate, is not opened, is not related, does not create deep and stable relations, does not know to do true friendships. Without confidence, there is not relationship. Distrust is a lack of faith in you and in faith itself.

If you don't want to be ill...

...Do Not Live Life Sad.

Good humor. Laughter. Rest. Happiness. These replenish health and bring long life. The happy person has the gift to improve the environment wherever they live. "Good humor saves us from the hands of the doctor". Happiness is health and therapy.

Dr. Dráuzio Varella

Labels

Marlene

Do outward appearances tell the whole story about someone? I don’t think so; in fact, I know they don’t. I know that people have a real depth to them that may be revealed either willingly or in times of crisis or stress and even then, it may not be the whole picture. Sometimes, we as people, get things wrong about others.

Has anyone ever unfairly labeled you? If they have, I would bet that you try not to do it to others. Why? Because it’s hurtful.

May I suggest that today you open your mind and heart a bit further and think the best of others, knowing that they have had a life you know nothing about, even when you know them well. Remember, labels are for cans, not for people.

Take Charge

Marlene

Be in charge of your life.  Don't worry about what other people are doing because they have their own life to live. 

 

Please remember: The pandemic is affecting everyone, so please be kind to others, stay safe, stay informed, and stay strong! We are all in this together.

Mentor

Marlene

Everyone needs a mentor at some point in their life. Maybe you’ve had one in the business world or in your personal life. Most times you will develop a bond with them as they share their experiences and bring positive influences into your life.

Now may be the time to reach out to someone who could use a little help; someone you could mentor.

What a great way to give a gift to them and yourself!

Principles Of Life

• Winning isn't everything but wanting to win is.
  
  
• You would achieve more, if you don't mind who gets the credit.
  
  
• When everything else is lost, the future still remains.
  
  
• Don't fight too much or the enemy will know your art of war.
  
  
• The only job you start at the top is when you dig a grave.
  
  
• If you don't stand for something, you'll fall for everything.
  
  
• If you do little things well, you'll do big ones better.
  
  
• Only thing that comes to you without effort is old age.
  
  
• You won't get a second chance to make a first impression.
  
  
• Only those who do nothing do not make mistakes.
  
  
• Never take a problem to your boss unless you have a solution.
  
  
• If you are not failing, you're not taking enough risks.
  
  
• Don't try to get rid of your bad temper by losing it.
  
  
• If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
  
  
• Those who don't make mistakes usually don't make anything.
  
  
• There are two kinds of failures: Those who think and never do, and those who do and never think.
  
  
• Pick battles big enough to matter, small enough to win.
  
  
• All progress has resulted from unpopular decisions.
  
  
• Change your thoughts and you change your world.
  
  
• Understanding proves intelligence, not the speed of the learning.
  
  
• There are two kinds of fools in this world.: Those who give advice and those who don't take it.
  
  
• The best way to kill an idea is to take it to a meeting.
  
  
• Management is doing things right. Leadership is doing the right things.
  
  
• Friendship founded on business is always better than business founded on friendship.

Compiled by Tony Peeris --- India

Focus on the Good

Marlene

Can you stay focused on the good? I know that sometimes you can't quite see it in these circumstances we find ourselves in, yet something good will come out of this. 

 

Know that I have you on my mind and ask the powers that be to bless you more than you could possibly believe and keep you safe and strong!

Looking

Marlene

They say it's all in how you look at things - glass half empty or half full. Do you criticize or encourage? Are you stuck in yesterday or are you looking forward to today? How long have you ready to go for your dreams? If you look for what could go right and you're halfway there.

 

Don't stand in your own way, any more.

 

It's going to be a great day, let's go!

Inner Voice

Marlene

Your own inner voice knows the way that’s right for you. Are you listening to it or something else?

Be strong, be wise, be that positive person no matter what.

Chances

Marlene

Yes, chances come and go, that’s true. What about those you aren’t aware of because you didn’t even try?

This week, I hope you make a commitment to be open to possibilities. Most things will not be handed to you in life; you have to work for them. Don’t be afraid to fail when trying something new. That’s part of the process you have to go through. You’re trying; you’re putting yourself in a position to find new opportunities that may not seem obvious.

Keep going – don’t give up. You’ve got this, if you keep doing the work.

Here’s to you today! Shine bright and be involved in the direction of your life.

Keeping Cool

Marlene

Arguing and fighting will land a hockey player in the penalty box giving the opposing team an advantage. These players know the consequences of letting their emotions get the better of them. How about you?  Can you see how keeping your cool is a powerful tool in your toolbox?

How to deal with disappointment

A husband got into big trouble after his wedding anniversary. His wife told him the day before, "Tomorrow there better be something in the driveway for me that goes from zero to 200 in 2 seconds."

The next morning the wife went outside and found a small box in the driveway. She opened it and found a bathroom scale.

All throughout life we all deal with some type of disappointment, whether it is disappointment from our job, family or friends. Disappointment is inevitable. It is not a matter of "if" it comes, it is "when" it comes.

Several days before my 15th birthday, my dad informs me that they have bought me a car. You can imagine the excitement I felt. He went on to say that it was being delivered on the morning of my birthday. I walked around to cloud nine and remember thinking, "Oh man, only rich people get their cars delivered to them; this must be quite the car!"

That morning, I stood in my parents' driveway waiting for my car to arrive. My heart is pounding against my chest, in my mind I picture a red convertible sports car and can feel the wind blowing through my hair as I take that baby from 4th to 5th gear. I can hear the duel exhaust screaming as I put the accelerator to the floor. I got excited!!

Several minutes later, I notice a tow truck coming down the street and to my amazement the driver pulled into my parent's drive way. It wasn't my beautiful red sports car, it wasn't car at all. I figured the tow truck driver had made a wrong turn and needed directions.

I walked up to the truck and in my most polite tone asked if I could help him. He said is he was looking for-and gave my address. I can only assume that all the blood must've drained from my face, because the driver asked if I was okay.

I couldn't believe it! It wasn't a red sports car like I had pictured in my mind. Instead, on the back of this tow truck sat a hideous, multi-colored, 1972 Ford Courier pick up truck. "You've got to be kidding me, is this some kind of cruel joke?"

When I say multi-colored, this truck had approximately 20 different colors on it. This truck had no idea what color it wanted to be. It was used for the paint shop of the auto repair facility where my dad worked and there are no words to describe the ugliness of this truck.

My dad walked out of the house and gave directions where the monster was to be released. Evidently my dad saw the disappointment in my face and told me that we had one year to work on the truck and get it in tip-top shape. I was disgusted!

Through out the next year I would work on my truck every afternoon and every weekend. It took forever to remove all the paint. One year later, after many hours of labor, we hadn't gotten to the painting stage but at least all the dents were straightened and running. The truck was a beautiful brown primer color. The only way to get a shine on this truck was spray the primer with water and admire it before the water dried.

The moment had finally arrived. With great pride I slid the key in the ignition and to no avail, if didn't start! Pounding the steering wheel in anger, I remember thinking, "This is NOT happening!"

Finally, my dad and I managed to get it running again and off I went for my first adventure in my "new" truck. After a quick stop to pick up a good friend, we were out on the town in the brown beast. I drove around for several hours and we started for home. The truck ran for a grand total of 5 hours and left me sitting on the side of the highway. I remember thinking and feeling this has to be the worse birthday in history.

I have learned through experience that there is something to learn from all our disappointment. It is through disappointment that we are strengthened. It is up to us to find the good in every bad situation. Instead of asking "why me?" start asking "what can I learn from this?" In every disappointment there is a lesson to be learned. However, it is up to you to look for the lesson.

You may be wondering what that hideous truck taught me.

I'm not sure what it taught me. One thing I do know for sure is that truck brought closeness between me and my dad that never before existed. It gave me an opportunity to actually learn who my dad was a person. We spent many hours together working on the truck and it gave him the opportunity to do what he loved to do, work on a vehicle and teach his son some valuable lessons about life. I didn't realize all this at the time, but as I sit here and write this, it has opened my eyes to the realization that my dad wasn't that bad after all.

No matter how much disappointment comes into your life, look through it and find the positive lessons within. You are a strong willed individual and you have the ability to overcome any and all obstacles that come into your path of life. You can overcome any form of disappointment and can become a stronger, smarter and a more confident person. I have faith in you and your ability to overcome.

Copyright © 2008 Bobby Cary II
Bobby Cary is an inspirational/motivational speaker, writer and life coach. Throughout his life, Bobby has faced many set backs. Growing up with a severe speech impediment along with a learning disability and a behavior disorder, he has a tremendous amount of experience in Overcoming Adversity.

Escape

Does it seem like a lot more people are trying to escape reality during this pandemic and lock down? It's hard to grasp at times the enormity of the situation worldwide.

Survival

 

Marlere

Here you are, in the middle of a pandemic, wondering what's going to happen. I wish I could predict the future but I can't. I do know this - you're probably going through your own storm right now.

What will you do? How will you get through this? Will life ever be the same?

I have hope and faith that we will get through this together by helping one another. Do what you can to help your local businesses. Reach out to your neighbors and friends. Don't mentally isolate yourself from others. Be creative. Be grateful. Use this time to grow in ways that will help your life, not hurt your life.

Please remember:the pandemic is affecting everyone, so please be kind. Stay safe, stay informed, and stay strong! You will make it and you will thrive!

Life is Magnificently Beautiful

All life matters. It is beautiful to be alive. Moments come and go, so we have to cherish them while they are present. We need to be thoughtful, caring, but most of all loving to one another. If we love eachother no matter what our past, our future will shine as brightly as a star.

#piccadillyinc 

Fabric of Our Life

This fabric of our lives gets stronger as we age. The more people we meet, the more places we go, the more ideas we have; the stronger we have become. For a newborn they have to have a strong foundation either from family's, friends, or society. Society is a friend that always accepts you no matter what you have done. It just wants you to be happy and have fun living your life for it knows when we are happy, you shall make others as happy as you are if not more.

With every friend you make you weave yourself a stronger fabric of life. This fabric shall never end. It just keeps going and going. Now with every generation it may take on a slightly different attribute than it had prior. However it shall always be, no matter what.

#piccadillyinc

Doing Right

Whether you are a manager of business, your family, or your own life, acknowledge the right thing. People will respond positively and feel that they are making a contribution.

 

If you criticize rather than engage, you probably won't get the outcome you anticipated. Why? People are creatures of emotions.

Think of how you feel when someone criticizes you or your work - not too good. So catch people doing something right and see what happens.

Reopenings

Marlene

Many parts of the world have or are starting to reopen though the pandemic Covid-19 virus is still active. Numbers have dropped in many areas and some are spiking again. It is an unsettling time that we are in, yet we have to move forward with hope and confidence that it will all work out. I want to thank you for your motivation, inspiration, and concern for all who are fighting this battle.

Today - more positive news! I invite you to read stories from the sports world and how so many are helping out during this time of extreme need.

Good News From Yahoo Sports
https://sports.yahoo.com/sports-good-news-tracker-during-coronavirus-covid-19-pandemic-211306589.html

Change

Marlene

Have you ever tried to make a change in your life and it didn't quite work? Why was that?  Possibly, Tony Robbins' success leaves clues.

Change is hard to do, yet many people have done it so you can too.

There's nothing magical or mysterious here - identify what you want to demand of yourself, make the commitment and do the work. 

You were meant to have a life that you are proud of.  Keep going, you're going to succeed!

Choose Joy

Marlene Remember this: This is your life and you get to choose how you feel about it. Choose joy and your life goes one way. Choose bitterness and it goes another way. Life is short, decide then move forward. yeremiah@aol.com Yeremiah Hardt

Volunteer

Marlene

Today lets thank those who are volunteering right now during this crisis. You know who they are - they are your friends, neighbors, relatives, people in your community who are working tirelessly to help others. Sometimes we forget about the importance of their missions.

 

Thank you to those who provide comfort to those going through hospice, those who are delivering food to seniors and those with compromised immunity systems; to the foster parents of cats and dogs, those who make masks or start a food cupboard for their neighborhood. The list goes on and on.

 

Know that the volunteers are in our hearts and thoughts and we are grateful for all they do.  Here's to those who serve!

Time - One Of The Most Important Things In Life

Marlene

 

(A young man learns what's most important in life from the guy next door.)

 

It had been some time since Jack had seen the old man; college, girls, career, and life itself got in the way.

 

In fact, Jack moved clear across the country in pursuit of his dreams. There, in the rush of his busy life, Jack had little time to think about the past and often no time to spend with his wife and son. He was working on his future, and nothing could stop him.

 

Over the phone, his mother told him, "Mr. Belser died last night. The funeral is Wednesday." Memories flashed through his mind like an old newsreel as he sat quietly remembering his childhood days.

 

"Jack, did you hear me?"

 

"Oh, sorry, Mom. Yes, I heard you. It's been so long since I thought of him. I'm sorry, but I honestly thought he died years ago," Jack said.

 

"Well, he didn't forget you. Every time I saw him he'd ask how you were doing. He'd reminisce about the many days you spent over 'his side of the fence' as he put it," Mom told him.

 

So what will Jack do? Let's find out!

 

Time - One Of The Most Important Things In Life
https://motivateus.com/stories/have-you-learned-this-yet.htm

 

Right now we have been given a gift of time.  I know you are using it wisely.  Have a great day and stay safe.  Remember we are all in this together!

Good News

Marlene 

I enjoy bringing Good News for you to read, especially in today's times, and actively search it out.  Today we look at Spotlighting Phoenix’s positivity during the pandemic.

We're talking about the positive stories that are taking place during this pandemic. The acts of kindness that make you feel all warm and fuzzy inside. Because, believe it or not, it's not all doom and gloom. Good news stories are out there. And they're plentiful. 

 The link is to a podcast and there is also a transcript, if you prefer. Here it is: Spotlighting Phoenix

Thank you Mom

Marlene

A Big Thank You to all the Moms, no matter where they are, for the gifts they have given to us. Without Mothers, none of us would be here. I know I sure miss mine right now and if yours is gone, maybe you're missing her too. 

 For all the Moms who are working each day to keep their families together and safe, thank you!! Have a Happy Mother's Day! 

Before we leave today, here's a positive article that pays tribute to good deeds and kindness. Did their moms teach them these virtues? You never know :-)  Good Deeds and Acts of Kindness The Tulsa Way

Into The Unknown

You don't know what to expect when you wake up. Every moment is a new adventure. Every moment can be different than the last.

An adventure is awaiting us all in the future, however which future is the adventure in. You have many futures you can live out. Every choice you make, you can make authentic choices for the future. If you are happy within the moment, you have a precious gift.

Happiness leads to optimism and good fortune. There may be sadness out there, but all you have to do is understand. 

#piccadillyinc 

Permanence

Nothing in the world is permanent. Not even this message. The only permanence is our hope's for a brighter future. Then again, we are so divided who knows what will happen to us. This planet has been here long before us and will outlive us all. Sad to say but all the squabbles you do diminishes your life span exponentially. So be happy in the time you have allotted to you and make others feel worthwhile as well. For without your human family you would not be here as well as never feel loved and wanted as you do right now. Time is the only permanence, until we learn to harness time, dare I say manipulate it, we shall fall victim to it. I don't like being the victim, do you? I don't think we have to exploit time, just find a beneficial way to coexist with it. We need time as much as it needs us. #piccadillyinc yeremiah@aol.com Yeremiah Hardt

Nucleus of Life

You can be a part of many circles in your life, but what really makes you happy as a person? What can you offer that no one else has done before, what is your real gift you bring to this human family or in fact this cosmic family that we are just adapting to as I write this. There are so many aspects to emerge in this cosmic realm. Are we important at all? Does anything we do really matter. Of course it does. If you make someone or some other thing happy in your life, you have made a vast improvement on the likes of which you cannot even grasp. Will you be able to see the change you are making in all this chaotic minutia known as life, maybe, but that is not the point, the point is to make each and every moment you have last as long as it can, because there is one thing you can't buy and that is time. #piccadillyinc yeremiah@aol.com Yeremiah Hardt

Spreading the Love! 25 Heartwarming Acts of Kindness Sparked by the COVID-19 Crisis

Marlene The coronavirus crisis has changed our world and the way we live in unprecedented ways. Thousands of lives have been lost. Millions are unemployed. So much has been placed on pause. And in the midst of it all we are isolated, unable to connect in person with our loved ones. Yet there is one powerful, simple way that we can be united and uplifted in deeply meaningful ways: through kindness. Countless acts of kindness — small and grand — are coming from every corner of the country. yeremiah@aol.com Yeremiah Hardt

Mindfulness

Marlene

What Is Mindfulness? According to the Oxford Dictionary, mindfulness is a mental state achieved by focusing one's awareness on the present moment, while calmly acknowledging and accepting one's feelings, thoughts, and bodily sensations, used as a therapeutic technique.

Okay, after reading quite a few articles about mindfulness, I came upon two resources that I liked (and there are many more). The purpose of being mindful is to manage stress - which most people are experiencing right now.

Healing Words

Marlene 

I have told my children this every day since they were born. I told them if they learned one new thing every day and were nice to just one person every day, that at the end of the year they would have learned 365 new things and blessed 365 fellow humans. Now they are older and have become very considerate and kind human beings and told me that this has become their creed. 

Is this something you do in your life? 

Please remember that there is beauty, kindness, care and love alive around the world. Feel the goodness and positive energy, share that feeling with others today.

Stay safe, stay strong, stay home and thank you for doing your part. It's not that hard when you do it from your heart.

Free

You are free to entertain yourself a long as you do not harm others. You can read, write, create, converse with others for enjoyment. Your enjoyment is essential to your well-being as well  as the well-being of many different communities you belong to. Be daring. Be adventurous. Be creative. Live your life in the now. Do what you are willing to do, and let it be fulfilling enough for yourself.

Happiness

Is happiness a possibility? What are you striving for in life? What makes you happy one moment may not make you happy the following moment?

Being content and being fulfilled are similar to being happy, but can also be totally different. We all have aspirations, goals, and dreams and those are what makes us unique individual people who encompass this great world. But why do we restrict ourselves by saying "Oh, that's wrong," or "You can't do that." How about be uplifting as well as positive. For example, you could hold a door open for someone or make a card for a friend or just visit some people you haven't seen in a while and talk about stuff you did and stuff you remember. Remembering the past grounds you and makes you a stronger person. Your scars may hurt when you get them, but when you learn their lesson that they have been sent to you to teach, you are free to live, grow, and be happy.

Forgiveness

We all have this power. Look at all our adventures in the past and how we managed to forgive rather than hold a real grievance. Only you have the power to protect yours and what you see as family and yes even our Earthly as well as cosmic family.

Until we can come to terms with that inner anger we can not reach the magnitudes of grandeur that has been placed at our feet.

It's important to learn from the past, but once it's dealt with, let it go, don't let it consume you. Only you have the power to choose your path, others may influence it, but in the end it your choice to go down that road and embark on that adventure known as life.

#piccadillyinc

Powerful Words

( During very difficulty times, we tend to forget that life has its ups and downs, causing us to lose ourselves in the process. It is completely okay to feel upset, but during those times we have to remember to search for the voice inside that tells us that we can and will survive through anything. - Take care, Jesse Marie ) 

I love when contributors like Jesse Marie add a bit of an enrichment to why they either came up with the quote or picked a certain one to send in.

Words can be so powerful, so be sure you are filling your minds with positive messages right now. If you find you're getting a stressed out, take a deep breath and try to relax. No one needs to watch the news all the time. Exercise; move around in your place. Be nice to yourself.

Think Kind Thoughts

Taking time to think kind thoughts about yourself and loved ones has psychological and physical benefits, new research suggests.

A study by the Universities of Exeter and Oxford has found that taking part in self-compassion exercises calms the heart rate, switching off the body's threat response. Previous studies have shown that this threat response damages the immune system. Researchers believe the ability to switch off this response may lower the risk of disease.

In the study, published in the journal Clinical Psychological Science, 135 healthy University of Exeter students were divided into five groups, and members of each group heard a different set of audio instructions. The team took physical measurements of heart rate and sweat response, and asked participants to report how they were feeling. Questions included how safe they felt, how likely they were to be kind to themselves and how connected they felt to others.
The two groups whose instructions encouraged them to be kind to themselves not only reported feeling more self-compassion and connection with others, but also showed a bodily response consistent with feelings of relaxation and safety. Their heart rates dropped and the variation in length of time between heartbeats -- a healthy sign of a heart that can respond flexibly to situations. They also showed lower sweat response.
Meanwhile, instructions that induced a critical inner voice led to an increased heart rate and a higher sweat response -- consistent with feelings of threat and distress.
First author Dr Hans Kirschner, who conducted the research at Exeter, said: "These findings suggest that being kind to oneself switches off the threat response and puts the body in a state of safety and relaxation that is important for regeneration and healing."
Lead researcher Dr Anke Karl, of the University of Exeter, said: "Previous research has found that self-compassion was related to higher levels of wellbeing and better mental health, but we didn't know why.

"Our study is helping us understand the mechanism of how being kind to yourself when things go wrong could be beneficial in psychological treatments. By switching off our threat response, we boost our immune systems and give ourselves the best chance of healing. We hope future research can use our method to investigate this in people with mental health problems such as recurrent depression."
The recordings that encouraged self-compassion were a "compassionate body scan" in which people were guided to attend to bodily sensations with an attitude of interest and calmness; and a "self-focused loving kindness exercise" in which they directed kindness and soothing thoughts to a loved one and themselves.
The three other groups listened to recordings designed to induce a critical inner voice, put them into a "positive but competitive and self-enhancing mode," or an emotionally neutral shopping scenario.
All the audio recordings were 11 minutes long.
While people in both the self-compassion and positive but competitive groups reported greater self-compassion and decreased self-criticism, only the self-compassion groups showed the positive bodily response.

The Window

A young couple moves into a new neighborhood. The next morning, while they are eating breakfast, the young wife sees her neighbor hang the wash outside.

"That laundry is not very clean," she said to her husband. "The neighbor doesn't know how to wash correctly. Perhaps she needs better laundry soap."

Her husband looked on, but remained silent.

Every time her neighbor hung her wash to dry, the young woman would make the same comments.

About one month later, the young woman was surprised to see a nice clean wash on her neighbor's line and said to her husband, "Look! She has learned how to wash correctly. I wonder who taught her this?"

The husband said, "I got up early this morning and cleaned our windows!"

Can you see how it might be a good idea to check first, to see if your windows are clean?

What we see when watching others depends on the purity of the windows through which we look.

Before we give any criticism, it might be a good idea to check our state of mind and ask ourselves if we are ready to see the good rather than just look for something wrong in the people we encounter. 

Kartik Bodawala --- India

Baggage at an Airport

Marlene

You arrive at the airport - try and check your baggage but are told it's too heavy. What could you leave behind?  Take a look at the picture.  What are you carrying around?  Why are you holding on to it?

 

We sometimes forget about the burdens we carry around from our past. Intellectually we know the past is over, we cannot change one thing yet we insist on bringing the weight with us as we travel through our lives.

 

Like cleaning out our closets, may I suggest that you look at cleaning out your life too? Let go of what you cannot change, it's not serving you well. Focus your eyes and life forward. Make today your best day and continue with that attitude each day you're given.

Bonds are bonding

Marlene

Bonds that happen between animals and people are sometimes as, if not more, powerful than between two people. Non-judgment and unconditional love can help heal a life and allow a person to go back into the world and enjoy the new confidence and respect they have found.

Surviving Lifes Obstacles

Dr. Wendy S. Harpham is a 27 year cancer survivor dedicating her life work to helping patients get good care and live their life as Healthy Survivors.

 

I believe everyone's life has been touched by someone they know who has or had cancer. My own cousin's wife fought the battle with ovarian cancer for 26 years and was one of the most loving, kind and warrior like people I have ever known.

 

This quote for today is to acknowledge and honor all who have struggled with this fight. We care about you, we admire your tenacity and perseverance, your faith and hope and so much more.

 

If you know someone who is in this battle, reach out to them today. Open your heart and let them know you care and are there for them.

 

Make a difference in someone's life - it's easy.  All you have to do is show up.

Limitations

 

Marlene

Several people are forced to be satisfied with their current situation, not understanding that they have the power to make a change for the better. You never know what you can do until you try, so go ahead and give it a shot!

Perception Faults

Marlene

Perception is your view of reality, yet sometimes your perception is not exactly 100% right. Could there also be hidden facts you know nothing about at the time? When you are too quick to label, you could miss the meaning of the experience now and later.

Who Controls You and Your Emotions?

What Feelings Are Inside Of You?

I was speaking with a good friend today about how her husband really brings out the worst in her. My thought after I hung up the phone was: if it wasn't inside, it couldn't come out. It was as if she was blaming her husband for her anger. No one can make something come out that is not already inside.

Before going to bed I asked myself, "What can I do to explain this to my friend?" I let it go and went to sleep. Low and behold at 3:45 a.m. a quote came to me I heard years ago by Dr. Wayne Dyer. I quickly scurried out of bed to look up exactly what he said to share it with her today. This is what I found.

"When you squeeze an orange, orange juice comes out - because that's what's inside. When you are squeezed, what comes out is what is inside."

This was also part of it:

"Did you ever hear a kid curse in front of their parents and then respond, "I slipped up?" They didn't slip up; they slipped out what was in. Those words had to be in you, to come out of you.

The results that you're getting in your life aren't an accident; those results are based on what's inside of you. You have to change the inside, if you want change, and you change the inside by changing what you spend your time thinking about. When you spend your time focusing on good things, then good things will come out of you.

We all know my belief is: whatever you focus on - positive or negative - is what you will get, so focus on the positive. That is what the last line reminded me of. I feel this was such a wonderful life lesson learned and I want to share it hoping it will shed light on her situation and make her think about it. Maybe it will make you think, too, as you are reading this. Just the thought put me back on the right track.

I remember an ex of mine would get really mad over a certain situation and say, "I'm not usually like this". He would carry on and go off about a certain subject and say, "I don't get like this" etc. From all I learned in life, if you are like that at the moment, you can't say you are not; it's what is inside of you coming out.

Dr. Wayne Dyer also said - An orange is an orange, whether you paint it yellow or call it a lemon; if you squeeze it you will still get orange juice. A person can think they have changed an emotion or gotten over something but if something affects them and makes them that angry, it's still inside of them.

Like with an orange; if you squeeze it, you put all your weight on it, and it bursts - you are going to get juice inevitably. With people, if anger is inside and someone says or does things that create pressure for them or makes them feel like they are going to 'explode' and they have that 'explosion' waiting to erupt inside of them - they will 'explode'. If the anger is inside, it will happen again until they clear it up.

It's when we are going through those types of moments we realize what is inside us. How wonderful is that? My friend calls that an AFGO. Acronym for Another F$%king Growth Opportunity. I love that. Please excuse my French!

Really give thought to how you react to situations. Do you get mad, angry, upset? Do you say "he got me angry" or "she makes me so angry, I just explode"?

I've written many times about how I do my best not to let things bother me (as much as humanly possible of course) such as someone driving too slow or driving two inches from my bumper or even cutting me off in traffic. I learned a long time ago, when listening to one of my personal development CD's - it's not worth it. If I get angry and allow this person to affect my day and they are oblivious going along about their day - who is this hurting? Not letting these types of situations cause anxiety is really what helps me to keep things in perspective and not get upset.

Ask yourself a few questions.

Is that person who comes out when you explode the real you?

What else sets you off? Your parents? Your kids? Your animals? Your boss? Your job? Really think about this.

If so, what is it in you making that happen?

Do you see something in this other person you see in yourself?

They say we are all mirrors for each other. Sometimes someone in our present brings back something we didn't like about ourselves in the past. If you are getting angry at them for that, maybe you haven't fully forgiven yourself yet. It's amazing how once we forgive ourselves we don't get as angry with others. Just saying.

I learned a long time ago to take 100% responsibility for all my emotions, feelings, and actions. So isn't it my responsibility to take ownership of my emotions and not try to justify them by blaming someone else for causing them?

Yes. If I admit that to myself then I can begin on a more positive journey. I can change my negative patterns and behaviors to more positive ones. Once you own it, you have power and control over it. This is something that can be changed so sometimes there just needs to be courage to change the things you can in order to get that piece of mind. I know I want to become the champion not the loser.

When this thought came to my mind this morning, I got up immediately to look up something from Dr. Wayne Dyer and this is what I found that I felt would help. I do my best to practice this most of my life now. I'm human and I don't do it always but I do my very best to live, as said so wonderfully below, by one of my favorite mentors.

Love Your Enemy?

8/3/11 at 10:30 am by Dr. Wayne W. Dyer

The poet Henry Wadsworth Longfellow wrote, "If we could read the secret history of our enemies we would find in each man's sorrow and suffering enough to disarm all hostility."

Harboring anger and hatred toward anyone guarantees that you remain in low energy fields where problems will continue to crop up repeatedly in your life. Try examining every relationship in which you feel judgmental thoughts of anger and hatred. Replace those thoughts with energies of acceptance, kindness, cheerfulness, and love. You will have to make a personal commitment to, first of all, notice what you are feeling and then exercise your ability to choose to send love.

When your heart becomes pure, your enemy becomes your friend, or even more significantly, your teacher. Your worst enemies are your greatest teachers because they allow you to examine the emotions of anger and revenge and then to transcend them. They give you the exact tools you need to elevate yourself to the spiritual energies that eliminate problems and provide solutions.

When you send love in response to hate you accomplish one of the most difficult things for anyone. As I look into my conscience I can now honestly say, I have no one who I can call an enemy. Over the course of my life I have been disappointed many times. Some have borrowed and never repaid. Some have forgotten their promises. Some have left me for others. Some have cursed me and spread rumors about me. Some have stolen from me. I send love to them all, mindful of the Buddha's words:

"We live happily indeed, not hating those who hate us. Among men who hate us we dwell free from hatred."

It has been this transformation in my own thinking, perhaps more than anything else, that has allowed me to move out of those low energy problem regions of my life. It is a powerful strategy for raising your spiritual awareness.

Isn't that great? I truly do my best to live by this thought process and had to remind myself that as my friend was was telling me her story because I started feeling something come up in me and instead I am now sending her husband love and light as I do with most situations.

This practice had truly made my life so enriched; problems and situations that would normally make someone nuts aren't as bad for me most of the time. It makes transitions smoother and life a lot more calm and peaceful.

As a matter of fact, when I'm going through situations with others who are going off on a tangent, I usually just stay calm and it drives them nuts. It's who I've become. I grew up in the Bronx so I experienced anger. I experienced rage. I experienced anger in my own home so I know what it's like. I choose to send love and peace as Pollyanna as that sounds.

"What we think determines what happens to us, so if we want to change our lives, we need to stretch our minds."

--- Wayne Dyer

Thanks for reading. I hope you got something out of this.

Copyright © 2012 Marion Licchiello

Marion Licchiello is a Writer, Self Empowerment Coach and an Intuitive Coach. She blogs for the Poughkeepsie Journal about getting motivated, staying positive, and getting fit.

Forward looking

Marlene

As long as you're going forward, looking ahead rather than behind, you can make it. Don't give up; there's so much more you can learn.